Faith And Healing

Sunshine And Sand

Sunshine, sand, and even monkeys have filled my last seven days. A week ago, I boarded a cruise ship to head to the Mexican Riviera. This was the first trip I have taken that did not involve a wedding, work, or a doctor in over seven years. The day for embarkation could not happen soon enough. There are not enough words to describe my excitement.

I awoke at 3:00 AM to get ready to go to the airport and, to my frustration, woke up with a piercing headache. The headache worsened as the day went on and then carried over to the next couple of days. The night I was most looking forward to, the formal night, ended with me alone in our dark cabin wondering why this was happening. I tried to go to the festivities, but could not.

Deep-Rooted Fear

I never realized before how much chronic illness could instill a deep-rooted fear. Lyme Disease took a long time to treat and then I caught COVID which put me in the ER two more times. Now I have found when I don’t feel well, with anything, I get fearful. Questions swirl through my head. Did I do too much? Has Lyme Disease come out of remission? Will this trigger Lyme Disease? Is this just a ‘normal’ headache or more? And the thoughts continue on.

Sometimes, when you have experienced miraculous healing, you doubt. With Lyme Disease there is no test to confirm that it is completely out of your body. This leaves room for lingering fears and anxieties. That night, on the ship, I laid there wondering why God would allow me to feel so horrible on a trip I longed to experience. Then the doubt and fears persisted. What if Lyme Disease returns? What if God did not fully heal me? What if…. ? The fears become irrational. Then I have to remind myself fear does not come from the Lord.

I sought the Lord, and he answered me; he delivered me from all my fears.

Psalm 34:4 NIV

When God Heals

When God moves in our lives in such bold ways, it’s hard for our human brains to grasp it. We find it hard to comprehend what is supernatural to us is natural for God. I have not had Lyme Disease symptoms in a year and yet I still find myself afraid to say ‘I am healed’ and to trust in the healing. When God tells us things or points us in a direction and we don’t have something tangible to hold on to, it’s so easy to doubt. When we doubt, fear will often enter in.

I felt I needed to share this with you because I know I am not the only one who can feel this way. Every day, I thank God for my health. Never do I want to take for granted the moments He gives me to live life to the fullest. I never want to go back to where I was just a year ago, but I also ask Him for the faith to keep strong and trust in what he is doing.

I don’t know why I ended up alone in my room that night. Maybe I needed the rest to do all the other amazing things I got to do the rest of the week, or maybe God protected me from something else. Or something may have needed to happen without me. I just want to encourage you to trust the plan, the wonderful plan that God has for your life.

Faith And Healing

In my darkest days, I pleaded with God for health and asked over and over how this could be part of the plan. I don’t know if I will ever have the answers, but I kept praying for the faith and strength to hold on. So if this is something you needed to hear, I pray for your faith that God will give you the gift of faith that will far surpass anything you could ever imagine.

“To one there is given through the Spirit a message of wisdom, to another a message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues, and to still another the interpretation of tongues.”

1 Corinthians 12:8-10 NIV

But God…

I don’t want to close without letting you know the headache went away before we went on our excursions and we had a fantastic time. Every day felt like such a gift. We met some wonderful people, ate wonderful Mexican food, and made memories to last a lifetime. Even better, I got to share the week with some of my favorite people.

One More Thing…

There are some that would say to doubt what God has done in our life is a sin. Maybe it is… but I call it being human. We try to understand what is beyond our understanding. Please don’t beat yourself up for asking God questions. I believe in the end those questions and our crying out to Jesus only bring us closer to Him. I would like to share this song with you. This is a song I have held onto many times.

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