A Good Place
Self-Examination
Self-examination is probably not high on your to-do list. It is never something I eagerly enjoy doing, but God tells us to look inward, examine our hearts, and see what we may find that is not pleasing to the Lord. The refining that takes place when looking inward will put us into a good place with the Lord.
The ninth letter in the Hebrew alphabet is Tet or Teth ט and has the value of nine. It means good, to self-examine, and to be in harmony with God.
A Little Secret
I’m going to tell you a little secret. Something I hope you don’t already know or have not had to experience. Here it goes. Christians are not always nice. We have no excuse for destructive behavior; we have the joy of salvation, but we also live in a fallen world.
After receiving deep wounds from people I called friends and fellow believers, I unconsciously put up walls around my heart. We started attending another church and everywhere I looked I found fault. I was not comfortable; I did not want to talk with anyone and I could not wait for the final amen so I could get out of there.
After weeks of feeling critical about everything, I knew it was time to examine my heart. What I found were walls built of pain in place of bricks and tears in place of mortar. I had erected them to protect myself from further attack.
Holley Gerth Journal from DaySpring (click to see).
My Daughter Was Glowing
When churches had to shut down for COVID, I never experienced disappointment. I felt relief because I did not have to face the internal battle brewing within myself. When they reopened, my youngest daughter started going to a local youth group and when she returned home, she looked like she was glowing. After a few times, I asked her where she was attending and what she was doing. My spirit recognized what I needed, and she had found it.
I could not resist what I saw in her and had to go for myself. Timidly, I entered the building, hoping no one would notice me. I wanted to sit in the dark and hide. That is not what happened. The moment I sat down, a beautiful woman full of joy walked over and introduced herself, and asked if she could pray with me. She prayed exactly what my heart needed to hear.
The music began, and tears fell. Two other ladies saw me and asked if they could pray for me as well. Without knowing what the first lady had prayed, they added onto her prayer and the walls around my heart began to crack.
The following weekend, the Saturday night dread of going to church took over, but determined I went. This time, during the songs, one lady that had previously prayed for me asked if she could pray for me again. Amid the loud music and shouts of joy I heard her words so clearly, “The Lord is showing me walls that you have built to protect yourself. They must come down. Learn to trust again and allow people to love you.”
To my knowledge, none of these ladies knew what had happened to me. They were being obedient to what the Lord put in their hearts to share with me.
For He Is Good
I knew that day it was time to stop judging, stop criticizing, and rest in the presence of the Lord. In all my ways of trying to protect myself, I only made it harder to connect with the Lord, to make new friends and most of all to worship the One who never hurt me to begin with. I wish I could say this was easy, and I had overnight success. Sometimes it is, but it is still and brick by brick process. But you know what? God has come closer than ever and strengthened me in Him.
“Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good! His faithful love endures forever.”
Where you see the word good here in Psalm 118:1 it uses the word tov טוב which means good, pleasing, desirable, goodness, beautiful, gracious, precious and/or in harmony with God. This form of ‘good’ is also used throughout Genesis 1 in the creation story.
“Then God looked over all he had made, and he saw that it was very good!”
I was not in a good place. I was hurt and doing all I could to protect myself. Once I allowed God to come in and show me where I needed to let things go, break down the walls, and heal, I gradually moved into a really good place. We have to remove the “mud and the mire” from around our heart to see clearly and move into this perfect harmony with God.
Once we get into this sacred space of conformity with God, we are cleansed and have made room for more of Him to enter in. If you look at the Teth ט, it looks like a jar or vessel with a small opening at the top. Scholars say that the teth ט, represents us and the opening is where the Holy Spirit pours into us.
Letting Go
I have to ask, are you holding onto something that you need to let go? Is there a process of self-examination that needs to take place so you can be in a good or better place with God? Don’t wait, the walls only get thicker. Ask God today to show you what He wants to clear from your heart.
A quick way to discover what it going on in your heart is to notice where you are most critical of another. That was definitely the case for me. When I see something I don’t like, I have to immediately ask myself why. It is usually something I need to release from my life or something I know I need and have rejected it in an effort to protect myself.
Open your heart for cleansing by the One who knows you best. The One who loves and adores you and wants to be in complete harmony with you.
Thank you for sharing…
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