When Our Identity Is Taken Away

My daughter posted this to Instagram, and I felt it was the perfect addition to my last post, “Identity In Christ.” When life does not go as planned, you are not alone. Read her testimony of her identity being taken away.

Our View Of The Church

Christians often look at church through rose-colored glasses. We think it’s this lovely place with “better” people doing the “right” things. Many Christians forget that the church is more like an insane asylum. It’s full of people with serious problems that they usually can’t see, and that can never get better on their own. For most of my life, I viewed church the first way.

With my dad being a pastor, I saw snippets of the broken parts, but I idolized the church. I placed my worth on how I served. My identity was “pastor’s daughter,” “worship leader,” “kids church volunteer.” Then, my life blew up when my dad was asked to leave his position at our church. I lost friends, mentors, people who were like family. Church was no longer safe, and I felt like my identity was ripped to shreds. After years and years of prayer and healing, Jesus put me back together.

Even now, I often struggle to go to church. Six years later, I regularly attend church but still don’t feel I have a “home” church. I still have moments of anxiety and panic without warning because of things I thought I was over. I still pause in fear when I think of serving at a church.

Hurt People, Hurt People

I want to share this because I know for a fact that I’m not the only one who has experienced hurt by the church. Hurt people hurt people. It’s the sad truth of our broken world. If you’ve been hurt by the church, you are not alone. It’s okay to not feel safe in what should be a safe place. It’s okay if the idea of being involved makes you freeze up for fear of being hurt again. All of these feelings are okay, but so many better things are coming your way. Jesus makes it right.

But Jesus

There isn’t a timeline for healing, but there is Jesus. In moments of stress, panic, or fear, Jesus provides peace, love, and joy. He is the only way I can step inside a church. For nearly a year after I experienced this hurt, I had panic attacks before I went to church. The very idea of going caused my heart to race. It wasn’t until I started giving these feelings up to God that I got any relief. His love provides healing in a way that nothing else can, so give it up to God.

If you’re struggling with church hurt, or if you have in the past, reach out! I now love this heartbreaking part of my testimony because I get to help people feel less alone. God redeems our brokenness. I hope whoever needs to see this feels seen by God. He sees your pain and wants so badly to hold you and comfort you through it. You don’t have to do it alone.