Where Can I Find Hope?
Many times in life, we feel all of our hope slipping away. Have you ever wondered, “Where Can I Find Hope?” Even on our worst days, we can have hope in Jesus. He is our rock.
Losing Hope
The definition of hope – A feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.
July 2017 – From My Journal Before My Diagnosis
With each day, I am losing hope. My body aches all over. I feel raw and vulnerable. There is a disconnect between my brain and my legs. They get weaker every day. I want to take a deep breath, to feel the oxygen spread through my body. I want to have a conversation without worrying if I will remember halfway through what I am talking about.
My arm has taken over and moving at its own will. I want to cross my legs without having to use everything within me to do it. Just to go outside and enjoy the mountains’ majesty, walking by the streams, and challenging myself to go to new heights seems like a far-fetched dream. I want to sleep all night without sweating and waking from stressful dreams.
I want to hike, read, run, cross-country ski, drive, ride my bike and swim.
My life is a list of “wants” and “Will I ever be able to do that again” gets longer by the day. My mind is full of doubt about what the future will bring. As months pass by, I lose more hope that my life will ever return to what it once was.
What Is Hope?
What is hope? I knew I was losing it, but I could not wrap my head around what it truly meant when people told me not to lose hope. I am just trying to survive.
Hope, defined by Google, “Is a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen.”
As a follower of Jesus, I know my hope in Jesus is the hope of salvation and knowing that He died so I can spend eternity with Him. In this thought God reminded me of the scripture Isaiah 53:5, “By His wounds we are healed.” If I can trust in the cross’s hope for salvation, then I can trust in the cross’s hope for healing.
"He was pierced for our transgressions; He was crushed for our iniquities; upon Him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with His wounds we are healed." -Isaiah 53:5 #heismyhope Click To Tweet
Why Does God Make Us Wait?
During this time, my mom called and told me I needed to watch an episode of her favorite TV preacher. It was the last thing I wanted to do. I felt so low; all suggestions just became noise. After my mom called the third time to ask if I had watched, I did. In the last five minutes, the preacher said something I had heard hundreds of times, but it grabbed hold of me this time.
She was sharing from John 11, the story of Lazarus.
"Now Jesus loved and was concerned about Martha and her sister and Lazarus, and considered them dear friends. So even when He heard that Lazarus was sick, He stayed in the same place two more days." – John 11:5-6 Amp Bible Click To TweetAs she summarized, the words that pierced my heart were, “Because He loved them, He made them wait.” There was something they needed to gain in the waiting. At that moment, I knew it was because Jesus loves me, He makes me wait for answers. I was fortunate only to have to wait four months for a diagnosis. Most people who have Chronic Lyme Disease wait years.
Daily when I struggled with the need to know what was taking over my body, I would think of the phrase that I personalized, “Because He loves me, He makes me wait.“
He Gives Me Hope
I have made a few steps forward. Progress is slow, which is discouraging. I will have a couple of good days and then have a hard day. I believe my ‘good’ days are better, and my ‘bad’ days are not as hard, so I rejoice in that.
Two weeks ago, I went back to San Francisco to see my Lyme doctor for treatment. I met some beautiful people who are walking this same difficult road. Some are at the beginning like me, some have been in treatment for two years, and some are on the other side and are free from symptoms. Each person gave me hope. I laughed with them and cried with them.
My life looks completely different than it did a year and a half ago. In my weakness, God has held me up. Days I feel hopeless, He gives me hope. I know Jesus can heal me instantly, but He has not yet. Even now, when I get discouraged, I have to remember, “Because He loves me, He makes me wait.”
A Vessel Of Hope
It is easy to get bombarded by the stress of the daily medical routine and the finances it takes to do it. Each time God says, “I’ve got this.” I am so thankful to all of you that have come forward and blessed my family either with food, rides, and/or financially. You have been a vessel of hope.
Chronic Lyme Disease is not a cheap disease. Insurance will not cover most of the medications (but that is another post). It costs about $2000 a month for everything I need. I would not have been able to have over half the treatments if it had not been for the help of so many. Seriously, there are no words to express my appreciation.
I am humbled by the generosity and love I have received. You all give me hope. I pray for the opportunity to be a blessing to each of you, as you have been for me.
How has God been your strength? I would love to hear your story. Please share in the comments below.
Scriptures On Healing
In this printable, you will find pages of healing scriptures and how to pray them over yourself or a loved one.
Beautiful words. Beautiful message. I’m continuing to pray for deep healing, strength and HOPE for each day.
Amazing post, Jennifer. Miss you!